Tis the Season

I can hardly believe it, but the Holiday madness is creeping upon us! I see countdowns to Christmas, Christmas movies being televised, and stores brimming with Holiday decor. I must admit, I am excited for this time of year. Each year, I tell myself to be intentional about savoring this busy season. I make mental plans to slow down, cherish each moment, maintain traditions, and create new memories. And come January, I am always regretful of how fast the past 2 months flew by and I didn't feel connected to the enjoyment of the season. So right now, as the leaves are changing colors and the weather is shifting, I am slowing down. I am capturing the beauty of the fall leaves. I am snuggling up to my girls more. I am spending more time with my hubby. I will be successful this year; I am clearing the calendar to fill it with time of Holiday tradition and memories. I love Thanksgiving and Christmas and I am going to remain connected each and every day to the wonderful madness swirling around me!

Time Goes By

The last time I blogged was almost 2 years ago! My life has been consumed with Grad school, but now that journey has come to an end. I am officially finished with school forever! Well, that is not entirely true, but I have no intentions on gaining a higher level degree. I do have an obligation to continue to obtain CEU's which leads to continued learning, but nothing like the journey of obtaining a degree!

I find myself in sort of a funk now that school is over. My title of "Student" has been a HUGE part of my life, time, and identity. Without this official title, I am in a bit of a lull. I craved this time; struggling through the past year of grad school holding onto the light at the end of the tunnel. Now that it is here, I don't know what to do with myself! On a practical level, I have plenty on my plate still; 3,000 supervised hours to obtain, children to continue to invest into, a husband who keeps me on my toes, a household to manage, and a job at my Church which I love. It's not that I have nothing to do, it's the fact that I am wrestling with settling into my shifted identity. School offered me structure and routine; I could always depend on an assignment that was looming. Despite the struggle to keep pressing on, school gave me predictability. I didn't anticipate this feeling of lacking once my program was complete. I am anticipating that I will settle in to my new "normal", but for now I am in a transitional period--  grappling with the adjustment process.

In other news, my "little" girls aren't so little anymore. I was looking at my long, lean, beautiful daughters trying to remember when they were small. I was in awe that they were ever little- they are now up to my shoulders in height and maturing into beautiful young ladies! Claire is in 5th grade this year. This is her last year of Elementary school. My stomach is doing flips just typing that out-- my little girl is almost a Middle Schooler! EEKS! She is evolving into her own person; a girl with a huge heart for others, a joyful servant, and a great friend. Hannah is in 4th grade and is blossoming. She is a talented artist and holds big hopes for her future. She is a thoughtful, witty, creative young lady. Both of them make my heart beam! I am so blessed to have these amazing girls. They challenge me to the core, but I couldn't imagine life any other way.

Cancun; August 2014









We went to Mexico to celebrate the completion of my degree. My family earned this trip just as much as I did! Here are some of my favorite photos. It was a memorable trip!

Reflections

I haven't posted in a LONG time. Life is moving forward at such a rapid speed; I often have a hard time slowing down long enough to catch my breath! Here we are in November. The holidays are staring me in the face. I always feels stressed and panicked this time of year. So much to do; preparations to be made, gifts to be bought, holiday shows, family... I always try to remind myself to slow down and enjoy the season. And yet, come January and I always feel like I missed the magic of the holidays. This year I want it to be different. I want to slow down, breath deep and enjoy. Sure I still have shopping to do, family to visit, and meals to cook, but I want to savor the moments. I am going to be intentional about this this year. Let's see what happens come January!

 In other news, our crazy busy life is just buzzing on by. I am almost finished with my 4th semester of grad school. This has been the hardest semester by far. I wasn't sure that I could continue, but now that I am entering my MONTH LONG BREAK, I am feeling more optimistic. I have had to face some tough topics in my classes these past few months. I felt like I was staring down all of my inadequacies at once. I was feeling so broken; and uncertain that I am equipped to be a therapist. I am learning the value of keeping the perspective on today- I can only do my best for today and not let the worries of the future consume me.

Claire is in 3rd grade. I can't believe how fast she is growing up. She continues to amaze me. She is SO smart, compassionate, and curious about life. I find it hard to believe that she will be 9 in a month and 1/2. She is continuing to do ballet; this is her 4th year in it. She has also taken on Jazz this year and is having fun in class. I am so proud of the young lady that she is becoming and hope that I can mentor her into adolescence well!

Hannah is in 2nd grade. She is blossoming into such a neat kid. She has fallen in love with reading this year; I am so happy for her! She is taking tap and jazz and loves both her classes. I am amazed at her as well; she has such a funny, compassionate spirit.

Brandon is such a hard-worker and a terrific husband/dad. I couldn't juggle work and school without his support. I am honored to be his wife and proud of his desire to be a good provider. We have been together 12 years now and I wouldn't change a day of it. We have had many ups and downs, but through it all we have grown closer and stronger.

 I hope to find time to slow down and capture memories and moments more often. I know someday I will look back and be thankful that I have recorded snippets of this time.

A special day

Today was a very special day. Hannah turned 7 today. My baby is getting big! But, that is not the only celebration we had today. Both Claire and Hannah got baptized today! My heart is full of joy! I am so honored to be mom to these two girls! It was an amazing experience seeing them both profess their love for Christ. Pastor Brad and Brandon baptized each of them. I still am tearing up as I am remembering back to this amazing afternoon. What joy!

A New Year

2012. Wow! I can hardly believe how fast the past year has flown by. So much life has been lived in 2011; I started a grad program, Claire started a new school, gymnastics, piano, ballet, tap.... the list goes on and on. Our lives are very rich and full. Sometimes I can hardly stop to catch my breath! I love being busy. Don't get me wrong, I love having a full schedule. I thrive with the crazy afternoons rushing from school to swim! But, I also think that in the craziness I loose the magical moments. I don't take time to stop, even if just for a moment, and enjoy my family. I quickly find myself with no patience. So for 2012, I am making it my goal to slow down in the midst of a full schedule and enjoy the little moments. I want to look back on this year and see glimmers of joy, love, patience, and peace.

Here is to 2012! It is going to be a great year! I just know it!

Fall- my favorite time of year

Life has been moving forward full speed ahead! I can't believe it is already November! The holidays are right around the corner. I love this time of year; the anticipation of the holidays, the beautiful change that fall brings, and the reflection of the end of a year. I am trying to slow down and savor the beauty of this time of year. It is so easy to rush through my day and forget to stop and breathe and enjoy. It is so worth the extra minute or two of not letting life rush me forward, but instead pressing pause and savoring the moment.

First Day of School

Well Summer is officially over as of today. The girls started back to school today. I can't believe I have a First and Second grader! This year, Claire is attending the Gateway Academy at a different school, so this morning brought the struggle of who is dropping off who. It came down to Brandon taking Hannah and I taking Claire. I felt bad I wasn't there for Hannah, but I would have felt bad either way. Hard! We are swapping for pick up so I can be a part of both of their first day! It was a bittersweet morning for all of us. We had such a good summer and my goal of being cohesive was definitely accomplished. I am happy for our normal routine to return though. It is hard going 10 weeks with no real routine for each day!

The girls are getting so big and it is days like these that I wish I could freeze time and cherish these milestones. I can't believe my babies are so big- where has the time gone! I look back and see so many mistakes that I have made. I try not to dwell on these, but if I had a "do over" card I would use it! All I can do is keep pressing forward; learning from my mistakes. Each day is a new one! Can't wait to see what this next school year brings!

Lot's to update!

Well Summer is in full swing! I have to say that we have had SO MUCH FUN as a family this summer! We have definitely been busy!

Summer started with a two week visit from Aunt Charlotte and all the cousins. We had our church summer camp the first week- lots of fun and exhaustion! The next week was filled with swimming, drive-in movie, Jelly Belly factory tour, Six Flags, and lots of fun playing in the yard. It was sad when they had to leave; our house felt so empty!

The following week, we got our Taiwanese exchange student, Joanna! She is such a joy to have and we are lucky to still have 2 1/2 weeks left with her. We have enjoyed getting to know her and have taken her Monster Mini Golfing. We plan on going to San Fransisco and Lake Tahoe while she is here.

This week has been eventful in of itself. The girls are going to another Church summer camp this week. Unfortunately Tuesday Hannah broke her right elbow at gymnastics. After 2 resets, were are finally able to breathe easy. She is so bummed out!

We only have a month of summer left. It has gone by quickly so far and I hope to continue to savor time with my family!

Creating Cohesiveness

As the end of the school year is approaching, I am beginning to look at ideas for this summer. I have already planned several things, but there are 10 weeks to fill! I really want to take this time to establish cohesiveness in my family unit. In the craziness of our routine; work, school, extracurricular activities, we have lost the simplicity of just spending time with one another. Quality time. I want to be intentional about regaining this precious gift of time with my husband and daughters. I want to enjoy my family this summer. I don't want to over-schedule our time off, but I do want to create the opportunities to spend quality time together. My hope is that we can find local activities that will pique all of our interests. My mind is swirling with ideas and I can't wait to start brainstorming with Brandon and the girls!

A bit of a better day

Today was better. Easier. I am sure a lot of this has to do with the fact that the girls had school today. I still missed the mark though. I lost patience. I yelled. I recoiled and reminded myself to value the character of the girls more than the misbehavior. It is so hard to change bad habits. I never thought that I would sit here today and reflect on the fact that I yell at my kids. I vowed growing up that I was going to be different. I would be calm. And yet, here I am. Struggling.

It is amazing how much perspective brings to the table. I appreciate my childhood so much more now that I am a mom. I can understand why things happened; why responses seemed harsh. I am living and breathing the challenge of parenting and I am making many of the same mistakes. One thing is for sure, God has softened my heart and brought me compassion I never dreamed I would have.

Tomorrow is a new day. I am so thankful for fresh beginnings. Maybe, just maybe, I can find a little bit more of the patience and calmness I desire...

Not fun being a mommy!

Being a mom sucks sometimes. I never know if I am totally screwing up the girls or if they will turn out okay. I hate discipline and second guessing myself. Am I being to harsh? Should I have handled that differently? Do they need less consequences and more love? UGH! I don't know what to do about Claire's back talk and sassy-ness. She is constantly trying to steer the conversation, get the final word in, and cause me to second guess myself. On more than one occasion she has expressed that she feels like I love Hannah more than I love her. I really believe that she believes this and that she isn't just trying to get a reaction out of me. I don't know how to change her view on this, other than to just love on her. However she is definitely the more hard headed out of the two, and she needs more discipline than Hannah. Hannah cracks easier and seems to learn her lessons after a time out. Claire on the other hand just loves to continue to push the envelope and that brings about more discipline. Why couldn't kiddos come with instructions? I really hope that I can show Claire just how much I love her and that she doesn't grow up needing years of therapy!

Catching Up

Wow! October already! I can't believe it is Fall! I love this time of year; it is so busy but also so good! We have a full schedule and life is filled with ups and downs.

Time for updates!

Hannah banana broke her right arm on September 21st. It was so scary for both Brandon and I. We both lost it! She was getting ready to go down the slide and somehow slipped. She rolled down on her arm and it was visibly broken. It makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it! She was a trooper through the whole event and is now the proud owner of a bright pink cast. It has been challenging with this change though; she can't do gymnastics right now, bathing is a pain, and she has to have help dressing. Oh well, it is short lived. The cast comes off on November 4th.

Being that her right arm is broken, school has been a bit of a challenge too. She is right handed. I am blown away by her perseverance- Hannah has learned to write and color with her LEFT hand! It is sometimes a bit sloppy (or sloppier than her regular writing-Ha!) but it is usually quite impressive! She is doing great in school and adjusting well!

On to my Claire bear! Claire is fantastic! She is doing great academically! I can't believe how smart she is! She loves to learn and is constantly asking questions (which can drive me batty at times). She is continuing Ballet and is doing well. She is so athletic and constantly on the move. At home, she is teaching herself how to do cartwheels and handstands. I hope this doesn't lead to injury! LOL! She is attending a God and Me class to earn a patch for Girl Scouts. This year she is a 2nd year Daisy (it is a 2 year program) in Girl Scouts. She is just so adorable! I am so proud of my girl and how well she is doing in life!

Brandon is busy with work. He recently moved departments and is now the supervisor in the Deli. This change has been filled with it's challenges. His schedule has changed completely, and the responsibilities are so different from his previous position. The change has been good though, and we are hoping that it will prepare him for a promotion in the future.

I am good. Busy as always. I love to volunteer- at church, the girl's school- and it keeps me quite busy. I am also working part time at church and this has been fun and a huge blessing financially! I am so grateful for where I am at right now.

Well that's it for now. I will have to post a funny story about the girl's later! :-)

School Days

Last week the girls began school. I now am a mom of a Kindergartner and a 1st grader. I can't believe it! The week started off great- lots of excitement from both girls. They were too cute on the first day of school. We took LOTS of pictures and both girls left us smiling and happy. Tuesday and Wednesday held the same eagerness and I was thinking that this was an easy transition. Then came pick up on Wednesday afternoon. They had hit a wall. More accurately Hannah had hit a wall! She was exhausted and grumpy! She begged me to let her stay home on Thursday so that she could have a "day off". I reminded her that her days off were now Saturday and Sunday. Tear flowed. Daddy dropped her off that morning and it was a sad goodbye. School had lost it's charm. Friday brought the same. Now it is Sunday night and tomorrow begins a new week of school. I wonder what kind of week it will be?

Jesus broke bread

Today I told the girls that we would be spending the day cleaning and organizing. They weren't too thrilled with the idea, but obliged and began to clean up the play room. As they were working, I told them that they could make a pile of toys to give away if they wanted to. They liked that idea and I reminded them that it was a kind and caring thing to do. They began to go through the play kitchen food, discussing each item to decide if they should keep it or give it away. A few minutes later, Hannah comes to me with a loaf of plastic bread. She announced, "We are going to keep this bread. I already gave away the cross cookie cutter so other kids will have something about Jesus. Jesus broke bread and this will remind me about Him." Priceless. I loved that moment. It made me realize that they are "getting" the life of Jesus. They are remembering it and processing through what it means. They are understanding that their generosity and loving actions can teach others about the character of Christ. I was humbled and reminded myself that I am the hands and feet of Jesus too.

9 weeks

Tomorrow is the last day of kindergarten for Claire. I can hardly believe how fast this school year has flown by! She is going to be a first grader. That seems so big. And to top it off, Hannah is going to be a kindergartner. Both girls in elementary school. WOW! I am racking my brain trying to figure out how they have grown so quickly. I feel like time is racing by and I need to slow down and savor my kiddos because they are quickly moving into new phases and stages. I remember growing up it seemed as is time stood still. Summer vacations seemed SO long. Christmas took forever to come around. Each birthday felt a million years away. As an adult, this is simply not the case. Time has not only sped up, it seems to be going 3x's as fast as it should. I feel like I barely have time to recover let alone keep up.

Summer break is 9 weeks. Claire is anxious about what those 9 weeks are going to entail; what routine will be kept. I keep reassuring her that we have plenty to do in these 9 short weeks, but she insists that it is a LONG time and we will run out of things to fill our time. It will be interesting to see my perspective at the end of the summer; if the 9 weeks seemed to whiz by or if time slowed down a bit. I am betting on the first; while 9 weeks is a good chunk of time, we have alot planned for our summer. I am buckling in because I am prepared for a busy and crazy ride!

The whirlwind

One week ago today, I graduated from college. WOW! I am still a bit shocked that this goal is finally completed. I did it! It took longer than I thought; but still, it is done. It was a great day; spent with my close friends and family. I even found myself tearing up when I entered the ceremony and spotted my kids. It was an emotional and fulfilling day.

And then Sunday came. And I felt sick. Like I have never before. I couldn't breathe. I could hardly move. By Sunday evening, I felt like I was being suffocated. I was scared and tired. I went to the doctor first thing Monday morning. It wasn't long before she was telling me to get to the ER. So off we went. To the ER. I never thought I would be admitted to the hospital, but I was. My asthma took a quick turn for the worse and it wasn't changing. I spent 2 nights in the hospital. I was bored out of my mind. I was forced to sit there and do nothing but rest. Funny, God has been nudging me to rest more. I guess I better listen more!

So within a week I went from a major life accomplishment to forced rest. And I am still resting so that I can fully recover. It is interesting how life happens sometimes.

Be anxious for nothing....

I am anxious. I have a lot swirling around in my mind and I am anxious. My graduation is coming up this weekend; anxiety. We are tight financially; anxiety. I am looking for a part time job; anxiety. I believe that everything will work out, but I can't shake this feeling. I keep praying to God for relief and I know He is there listening and acting. I want to be free of anxiety, but I know that it keeps me close to God.

I have so much to be thankful for. I am trying to keep my focus on my numerous blessings. God has given me so much; health, a home, an abundance of things, a family, cars, a stable job for my husband etc. I could go on and on. I need to dwell on these good things.

In 18 days...

I will be a college graduate. I am cautiously excited. I keep waiting for the rug to be ripped out from under me; for someone to say, "Just kidding! You don't get to walk". I don't know why I expect this; I have worked hard and I know that I am done. Well, sort of. I still have 3.5 free elective units to complete over the summer, but all the core work is done. And yet, I am still afraid. I have been in college off and on for the past 11 years. I always knew I would get a degree. I expected to be done before this point in my life, but I have 2 beautiful distractions that detoured my plans. And I am okay with that.

After graduation, I am going to take the summer to enjoy the girls. We have a busy summer planned; camping, visiting old friends, cousins coming to stay with us, ballet recital, Hannah's preschool graduation and Blitz camp at church. I am excited for less stress (ie. Homework) but a bit anxious about not having a structured routine. But my goal is to go with the flow; to enjoy the lazy days of summer.

And in the Fall, I must get a job. My husband works so hard to provide for us. I want to be able to contribute to our family financially so that we have a bit more freedom in our spending. Nothing too crazy; I am hoping to work only part time. I know jobs are hard to come by, so I am planning on beginning the search in July. I am already praying for a perfect job; I believe that there is something out there that will fit beautifully into my schedule.

And the following Fall, I am going to grad school. I love to learn and wish that I could emotionally handle jumping into a grad program right now; but I am burnt out. I know my limit and I have beyond reached it. I know that a grad program is going to be taxing; I need to be emotionally recharged before I walk into an intensive 2-3 year program. And, I need to invest into my family. They have sacrificed countless hours while I worked on homework or pushed to finish a final. They need me. They deserve my attention for a while.

Silly Girls

I am sitting here listening to my sweet girls laugh and play. It is such a sweet sound. I am so blessed to be able to watch my kiddos grow up; to share their joys, frustrations, and milestones with them. I all too often take this for granted. But really, I am one lucky mama!

I am down to the final few weeks of school. It is both exciting and scary. I am taking a year off; I need it and my family needs it! I hope to use this next year to grow closer to God, my husband, and my girls. I also hope to get to know me better. Lately (like most of my life) I have been so busy that I have forgotten to check in with me. I am determined to change this; to take time and rest and get to know who I really am. It is long overdue!

This next week is Spring Break for the girls. I am excited to spend some time out of routine. I am determined to be less rigid and enjoy our week off together! We are hoping to visit San Fransisco and have some play dates. Later in the week, Grandma and Auntie are coming to visit. It will be nice not to have appointments, school, and busyness predict our days!

Rainy Day and Parenting Woes

I am sitting and snuggling with the girls and it is raining outside. I love the sound of rain. It has been a challenging afternoon with the girls- lots of bickering and petty arguments. I have done good keeping my cool but I am definitely ready for their bedtime!

I have a speech to give tomorrow night for my Communications class. I am speaking on the topic of parenting. It is funny, I have SO many parenting books! I keep adding to my collection; I guess I am looking for the secret answer to being a good parent! I don't think there is one! However, as I have been preparing for this speech, I have been reading the book, Scream Free Parenting. I LOVE this book! It is so practical and easy to understand. I am going to re-read it this summer (since I will be FREE of homework by then) and try to really glean some useful tools for my parenting tool bag.

One of the little quotes in the book really stood out to me. It says, " Without space to make their own mistakes, our kids live only borrowed lives." Wow! I want so badly to protect my girls from mistakes. But really, they have to experience them to grow. It is so hard to let go and trust God and believe that they will be okay.