And then it was over

I can not believe that Christmas has already come and gone. Wow! That was a whirlwind of a holiday! I have been so busy these past 6 weeks I have barely had time to blink! Christmas day was great, the girls were adorable and I really enjoyed watching them open their gifts. We had a relaxing day and everyone got along great. I had to work on Christmas eve and the day after Christmas, which was a drag. The office was SO slow and I was bummed that I had to be away from the girls. Oh well. It is a necessary evil. I have been feeling very angry lately and I think it is because I am disconnected emotionally. I don't have time to connect with my family and friends and when I do, I am exhausted and in a hurry. I am hoping to be able to slow down a bit soon. We are trying to work out a way to pay for preschool with me working part time. Full time is too much on me and my family.

We are going to take the girls sledding on New Years day. They have never really been in the snow, so we will see how much they like it. I think that Claire will love it and Hannah will whine, but who knows what will happen. Jeanne and Barbara are going to come with me. Brandon is going to go skiing since we bought him a season pass for his birthday. He is soooo happy to have a pass as he thought he wasn't going to get one. I just hope he stays safe!

I am anticipating the New Year and am determined to loose weight and be more emotionally health. I want to be a good wife and mom and person, and right now I feel like I am just going through the motions.

Family Update

I spent the afternoon wrapping. Our tree is bursting with gifts- we are truly blessed. I am getting more and more excited for Christmas to come- not for me, but for the girls! I love seeing their eyes light up on Christmas morning as they come out to see what Santa has left. They are too cute!

Hannah has been sick the last few days. It is a bummer, but I am glad that she is sick now and not on Christmas. I think she is on the tail end of it, her fever has been gone for almost 24 hours. Claire has been very sweet to her- giving her lots of kisses and loves. We have spent most of our time snuggling on the couch watching Christmas specials off of the DVR. It is nice to not have an agenda and just spend time with my kiddos. I miss them and love it when we cuddle.

Brandon has been busy with work. He seems a bit distant lately and I know that he is stressed. It has been a big change for him too and he is struggling with a loss of personal time. He is used to having his "days off" and with me back at work those aren't happening. Sure he isn't going into work, but he is at home with the girls now. I used to get so frustrated because he would think that I had days off everyday because I was at home. I think he is starting to realize what a false perception this is. I hope that he gets used to it and makes the best of it. It is just a season and this too shall pass.

10 day countdown

I can hardly believe that Christmas is almost here. Where has the time gone? I am done with all the gift shopping, now just to find the time to wrap. I am loving the cold weather (even though it is really really cold) because it makes me just want to snuggle under a blankie! The house is nice and festive and all the lights outside are a joy to look at.

I am feeling a bit more settled with work, the girls are still having some issues though. I really hope that they will settle as soon as the holiday madness is over. I am trying to maximize all the time I have with them as it is a lot less than it used to be.

What am I doing?

I am barely surviving working, kids, school, marriage, church etc. Did I bite off more than I can chew? Will it get easier? Will my kids ever really adjust? I am really second guessing myself here but feel stuck. Without work, there is no preschool. What do I do? HELP!

A full week

What a week. It was my first week of full time and it was busy to say the least. By Friday I was exhausted! Working is a huge blessing as we were in dire circumstances financially. I am so grateful to be able to provide for some of our family's needs. It is just going to take time to get used to. I am seeing how my girls are affected, Claire really is missing me. I feel guilty but in my core know I am doing the right thing. Brandon is able to spend a whole lot more time with them and I think that their relationship is going to flourish. I am learning to squeeze out as much time as I can with them. We have had lots of cuddle time in the evenings and I love it! This next week they will only go to daycare on Monday because Brandon has Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday off and I have Thursday and Friday off. We are going to go up to CEM in Grass Valley for Thanksgiving. On Friday we are going to decorate for Christmas and on Saturday we are going to go see Annie the Musical. Lots of change and lots of good things, just takes time to adjust.

Changes

So today was my first full day at work. The girls went to daycare for 4 hours. I was so anxious about this, but they did really well. They are going to a gal from our church and I feel really comfortable about the arrangement. Claire is not thrilled with going, but says she had a good time. So far Brandon's schedule has worked in our favor. I am praying that he can get it permanently changed to work from 130-10pm on Mon, Tue, and Fri so that the girls are with him in the mornings. He is off on Wed and Thurs already. This will allow them to only have minor changes in their routine. I am fortunate enough to be close enough to still do preschool pick up and Brandon does morning drop off. I feel so blessed that God has provided all these open doors and I am faithfully relying on Him to continue to carry us through.

Brandon returned from Mexico and I was SO EXCITED to have him home! It was a challenging 5 days. He had a wonderful trip and God really softened his heart and gave him a greater appreciation for what he has. He wants to go to Brazil in the summer so we are prayerfully considering this. I am not sure how it will work out financially, but then again God has often left me in suspense in this area only to come through in ways I could not even imagine! I am sure that He can and will do it again if He wants Brandon in Brazil!

Busy

My life has drastically changed as I have gotten a job (finally! Thank you God). While this is a good change, it is still a change which is hard. I happened to get my new job the same week Brandon was due to leave for Mexico on a mission trip. I have scrambled around all week arranging childcare and it has all worked out. A bit stressful, but nonetheless it worked. I start full time next week and have found a great daycare provider for the girls. My prayer right now is that Brandon can get his schedule permanently changed to a closing shift. This will allow him to be home until 1pm and will not only cut down on childcare expenses, but also allow the girls to be home more. All I can do is wait and pray and see what happens. I have faith that it will work out.

So, Brandon left for Mexico yesterday morning at 6am. The girls were really sad that he was going, but they are doing okay. It has been a long couple of days but we are surviving. Yesterday afternoon we were driving in the car and playing "I Spy" when all of the sudden Hannah said, "wait! I need to pray for daddy!" She then said a prayer for him to be safe in Mexico and build lots of houses for people who need them. It was a very sincere and sweet prayer. Claire prayed after her, then I. I love that my kids are thinking to pray without my prompting. It makes me feel like I am doing something right in my parenting!

The weekend is almost here and I am glad! Brandon will return Sunday night and I am looking forward to seeing him! I am also looking forward to spending time with my girls as it has been hard being away from the during the day.