One week ago today, I graduated from college. WOW! I am still a bit shocked that this goal is finally completed. I did it! It took longer than I thought; but still, it is done. It was a great day; spent with my close friends and family. I even found myself tearing up when I entered the ceremony and spotted my kids. It was an emotional and fulfilling day.
And then Sunday came. And I felt sick. Like I have never before. I couldn't breathe. I could hardly move. By Sunday evening, I felt like I was being suffocated. I was scared and tired. I went to the doctor first thing Monday morning. It wasn't long before she was telling me to get to the ER. So off we went. To the ER. I never thought I would be admitted to the hospital, but I was. My asthma took a quick turn for the worse and it wasn't changing. I spent 2 nights in the hospital. I was bored out of my mind. I was forced to sit there and do nothing but rest. Funny, God has been nudging me to rest more. I guess I better listen more!
So within a week I went from a major life accomplishment to forced rest. And I am still resting so that I can fully recover. It is interesting how life happens sometimes.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Be anxious for nothing....
I am anxious. I have a lot swirling around in my mind and I am anxious. My graduation is coming up this weekend; anxiety. We are tight financially; anxiety. I am looking for a part time job; anxiety. I believe that everything will work out, but I can't shake this feeling. I keep praying to God for relief and I know He is there listening and acting. I want to be free of anxiety, but I know that it keeps me close to God.
I have so much to be thankful for. I am trying to keep my focus on my numerous blessings. God has given me so much; health, a home, an abundance of things, a family, cars, a stable job for my husband etc. I could go on and on. I need to dwell on these good things.
I have so much to be thankful for. I am trying to keep my focus on my numerous blessings. God has given me so much; health, a home, an abundance of things, a family, cars, a stable job for my husband etc. I could go on and on. I need to dwell on these good things.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
In 18 days...
I will be a college graduate. I am cautiously excited. I keep waiting for the rug to be ripped out from under me; for someone to say, "Just kidding! You don't get to walk". I don't know why I expect this; I have worked hard and I know that I am done. Well, sort of. I still have 3.5 free elective units to complete over the summer, but all the core work is done. And yet, I am still afraid. I have been in college off and on for the past 11 years. I always knew I would get a degree. I expected to be done before this point in my life, but I have 2 beautiful distractions that detoured my plans. And I am okay with that.
After graduation, I am going to take the summer to enjoy the girls. We have a busy summer planned; camping, visiting old friends, cousins coming to stay with us, ballet recital, Hannah's preschool graduation and Blitz camp at church. I am excited for less stress (ie. Homework) but a bit anxious about not having a structured routine. But my goal is to go with the flow; to enjoy the lazy days of summer.
And in the Fall, I must get a job. My husband works so hard to provide for us. I want to be able to contribute to our family financially so that we have a bit more freedom in our spending. Nothing too crazy; I am hoping to work only part time. I know jobs are hard to come by, so I am planning on beginning the search in July. I am already praying for a perfect job; I believe that there is something out there that will fit beautifully into my schedule.
And the following Fall, I am going to grad school. I love to learn and wish that I could emotionally handle jumping into a grad program right now; but I am burnt out. I know my limit and I have beyond reached it. I know that a grad program is going to be taxing; I need to be emotionally recharged before I walk into an intensive 2-3 year program. And, I need to invest into my family. They have sacrificed countless hours while I worked on homework or pushed to finish a final. They need me. They deserve my attention for a while.
After graduation, I am going to take the summer to enjoy the girls. We have a busy summer planned; camping, visiting old friends, cousins coming to stay with us, ballet recital, Hannah's preschool graduation and Blitz camp at church. I am excited for less stress (ie. Homework) but a bit anxious about not having a structured routine. But my goal is to go with the flow; to enjoy the lazy days of summer.
And in the Fall, I must get a job. My husband works so hard to provide for us. I want to be able to contribute to our family financially so that we have a bit more freedom in our spending. Nothing too crazy; I am hoping to work only part time. I know jobs are hard to come by, so I am planning on beginning the search in July. I am already praying for a perfect job; I believe that there is something out there that will fit beautifully into my schedule.
And the following Fall, I am going to grad school. I love to learn and wish that I could emotionally handle jumping into a grad program right now; but I am burnt out. I know my limit and I have beyond reached it. I know that a grad program is going to be taxing; I need to be emotionally recharged before I walk into an intensive 2-3 year program. And, I need to invest into my family. They have sacrificed countless hours while I worked on homework or pushed to finish a final. They need me. They deserve my attention for a while.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Silly Girls
I am sitting here listening to my sweet girls laugh and play. It is such a sweet sound. I am so blessed to be able to watch my kiddos grow up; to share their joys, frustrations, and milestones with them. I all too often take this for granted. But really, I am one lucky mama!
I am down to the final few weeks of school. It is both exciting and scary. I am taking a year off; I need it and my family needs it! I hope to use this next year to grow closer to God, my husband, and my girls. I also hope to get to know me better. Lately (like most of my life) I have been so busy that I have forgotten to check in with me. I am determined to change this; to take time and rest and get to know who I really am. It is long overdue!
This next week is Spring Break for the girls. I am excited to spend some time out of routine. I am determined to be less rigid and enjoy our week off together! We are hoping to visit San Fransisco and have some play dates. Later in the week, Grandma and Auntie are coming to visit. It will be nice not to have appointments, school, and busyness predict our days!
I am down to the final few weeks of school. It is both exciting and scary. I am taking a year off; I need it and my family needs it! I hope to use this next year to grow closer to God, my husband, and my girls. I also hope to get to know me better. Lately (like most of my life) I have been so busy that I have forgotten to check in with me. I am determined to change this; to take time and rest and get to know who I really am. It is long overdue!
This next week is Spring Break for the girls. I am excited to spend some time out of routine. I am determined to be less rigid and enjoy our week off together! We are hoping to visit San Fransisco and have some play dates. Later in the week, Grandma and Auntie are coming to visit. It will be nice not to have appointments, school, and busyness predict our days!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Rainy Day and Parenting Woes
I am sitting and snuggling with the girls and it is raining outside. I love the sound of rain. It has been a challenging afternoon with the girls- lots of bickering and petty arguments. I have done good keeping my cool but I am definitely ready for their bedtime!
I have a speech to give tomorrow night for my Communications class. I am speaking on the topic of parenting. It is funny, I have SO many parenting books! I keep adding to my collection; I guess I am looking for the secret answer to being a good parent! I don't think there is one! However, as I have been preparing for this speech, I have been reading the book, Scream Free Parenting. I LOVE this book! It is so practical and easy to understand. I am going to re-read it this summer (since I will be FREE of homework by then) and try to really glean some useful tools for my parenting tool bag.
One of the little quotes in the book really stood out to me. It says, " Without space to make their own mistakes, our kids live only borrowed lives." Wow! I want so badly to protect my girls from mistakes. But really, they have to experience them to grow. It is so hard to let go and trust God and believe that they will be okay.
I have a speech to give tomorrow night for my Communications class. I am speaking on the topic of parenting. It is funny, I have SO many parenting books! I keep adding to my collection; I guess I am looking for the secret answer to being a good parent! I don't think there is one! However, as I have been preparing for this speech, I have been reading the book, Scream Free Parenting. I LOVE this book! It is so practical and easy to understand. I am going to re-read it this summer (since I will be FREE of homework by then) and try to really glean some useful tools for my parenting tool bag.
One of the little quotes in the book really stood out to me. It says, " Without space to make their own mistakes, our kids live only borrowed lives." Wow! I want so badly to protect my girls from mistakes. But really, they have to experience them to grow. It is so hard to let go and trust God and believe that they will be okay.
Friday, February 26, 2010
The end is near
I can hardly believe it, but the end of my schooling is near. Well, at least the bachelor's part. I still want to get my masters. But I digress. The end of this 18 month long journey is almost over. I am in a bit of shock. I keep wondering if I will really graduate in May. In my head, some unforeseen circumstance is going to prevent me from getting my diploma. That would really suck. And after I do graduate in May, then what? I know that I want to pursue my Masters in Social work, but the only school that offers that program is Sac State and it is very competitive to get into. What if I don't get accepted? I am planning on taking some time off this next year, but what if in the fall of 2011 I don't get in? My mind hasn't been my friend lately- I have been filled with doubts. I know that I need to let go and let God. I am trying. I am trusting that His plan will work. Mine might not, but His will.
Monday, January 4, 2010
A New Year
Wow it has been awhile since I have had time to write! What a rollercoaster the past few months have been; so very busy...
Lets see, some updates....
Claire- my sweet girl is now 6 years old. I can hardly believe it! She is getting too big, too fast. I am a little sad this year as I realize just how fast the past 6 years have gone by and how much of it I "missed". I want to be able to savor my girls more and enjoy them to the fullest! For her birthday, we went to the Railroad Museum in Sacramento. It was so much fun. Both girls had a blast and wanted to walk through the whole museum a second time. After that, we (being Aunt Jeanne, Grandma Debbie, Aunt Barbara, Hannah, Claire, and I) went lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Good food!
Claire is just so full of life. She is very curious and can spend the day asking question after question. While this is quite tiring, I try to remind myself that she is just like a sponge and she wants more and more knowledge!
Hannah- this cutie pie is keeping me on my toes! She is learning that whining and crying will earn her a time out! Hannah is insistent on wearing a dress or a skirt over pants EVERYDAY! We spend alot of time in "negotiations" regarding her outfits. She is very determined to remain a princess. She has specific ideas about accessories and hairdos as well. Hannah is finally enjoying preschool which makes it SO much easier to take her!
Hannah is so compassionate. On Christmas day as I was tucking her into bed, she began to cry because she didn't want Christmas to be over. It wasn't about the gifts; it was about the magic of the season.
The other day the girls were playing in the backyard and I heard the following conversation:
Hannah: Claire, do you have Jesus in your heart?
Claire: Of course I do, Hannah, do you?
Hannah: Yes, sissy. I love Jesus!
This was so sweet and sincere! It made me smile and think that I must be doing something right for them to have random conversations about Jesus!
Okay, back to updates....
Brandon- He is doing good. He is working hard and playing harder. Now that ski season is here, he is quite happy and spends his Wednesdays enjoying the snow! I worry about him every time he goes, but I know that he will be okay. He has been busy at work, which I am so grateful for. No worries of what is going to happen with his job; Costco isn't going anywhere!
Me- I finished a 21 unit semester on December 16th. It was so hard and I wanted to quit many times, but I persevered and got A's and B's in all my classes! In addition to school, I have stayed busy running MOPS and helping coordinate a Christmas event at church. I am looking forward to my last semester, which starts in a few days. I can't wait to be done with this program! I am planning on continuing on to get my masters, but not until I take a break!
We also visited Disneyland in October for a week. It was a great trip and we are already planning this next years trip!
For this new year, I have a few resolutions. Of course the first being loosing weight. I think this is common on most people's list, but I am committed to making changes. So far I am eating smaller meals throughout the day. This is a challenge because I am NOT a morning person and I don't usually eat breakfast. I am also beginning to use my treadmill again and hope to hop on the Wii and use the fit board or the active program.
My second resolution is to savor my time more. I feel that I am so busy all the time that I don't ever get to really enjoy things. I want to slow it down and not rush through life anymore- it goes fast enough on it's own!
That's it for now- time to get the kids in the bath and get dinner cooking!
Lets see, some updates....
Claire- my sweet girl is now 6 years old. I can hardly believe it! She is getting too big, too fast. I am a little sad this year as I realize just how fast the past 6 years have gone by and how much of it I "missed". I want to be able to savor my girls more and enjoy them to the fullest! For her birthday, we went to the Railroad Museum in Sacramento. It was so much fun. Both girls had a blast and wanted to walk through the whole museum a second time. After that, we (being Aunt Jeanne, Grandma Debbie, Aunt Barbara, Hannah, Claire, and I) went lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. Good food!
Claire is just so full of life. She is very curious and can spend the day asking question after question. While this is quite tiring, I try to remind myself that she is just like a sponge and she wants more and more knowledge!
Hannah- this cutie pie is keeping me on my toes! She is learning that whining and crying will earn her a time out! Hannah is insistent on wearing a dress or a skirt over pants EVERYDAY! We spend alot of time in "negotiations" regarding her outfits. She is very determined to remain a princess. She has specific ideas about accessories and hairdos as well. Hannah is finally enjoying preschool which makes it SO much easier to take her!
Hannah is so compassionate. On Christmas day as I was tucking her into bed, she began to cry because she didn't want Christmas to be over. It wasn't about the gifts; it was about the magic of the season.
The other day the girls were playing in the backyard and I heard the following conversation:
Hannah: Claire, do you have Jesus in your heart?
Claire: Of course I do, Hannah, do you?
Hannah: Yes, sissy. I love Jesus!
This was so sweet and sincere! It made me smile and think that I must be doing something right for them to have random conversations about Jesus!
Okay, back to updates....
Brandon- He is doing good. He is working hard and playing harder. Now that ski season is here, he is quite happy and spends his Wednesdays enjoying the snow! I worry about him every time he goes, but I know that he will be okay. He has been busy at work, which I am so grateful for. No worries of what is going to happen with his job; Costco isn't going anywhere!
Me- I finished a 21 unit semester on December 16th. It was so hard and I wanted to quit many times, but I persevered and got A's and B's in all my classes! In addition to school, I have stayed busy running MOPS and helping coordinate a Christmas event at church. I am looking forward to my last semester, which starts in a few days. I can't wait to be done with this program! I am planning on continuing on to get my masters, but not until I take a break!
We also visited Disneyland in October for a week. It was a great trip and we are already planning this next years trip!
For this new year, I have a few resolutions. Of course the first being loosing weight. I think this is common on most people's list, but I am committed to making changes. So far I am eating smaller meals throughout the day. This is a challenge because I am NOT a morning person and I don't usually eat breakfast. I am also beginning to use my treadmill again and hope to hop on the Wii and use the fit board or the active program.
My second resolution is to savor my time more. I feel that I am so busy all the time that I don't ever get to really enjoy things. I want to slow it down and not rush through life anymore- it goes fast enough on it's own!
That's it for now- time to get the kids in the bath and get dinner cooking!
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