Jesus broke bread

Today I told the girls that we would be spending the day cleaning and organizing. They weren't too thrilled with the idea, but obliged and began to clean up the play room. As they were working, I told them that they could make a pile of toys to give away if they wanted to. They liked that idea and I reminded them that it was a kind and caring thing to do. They began to go through the play kitchen food, discussing each item to decide if they should keep it or give it away. A few minutes later, Hannah comes to me with a loaf of plastic bread. She announced, "We are going to keep this bread. I already gave away the cross cookie cutter so other kids will have something about Jesus. Jesus broke bread and this will remind me about Him." Priceless. I loved that moment. It made me realize that they are "getting" the life of Jesus. They are remembering it and processing through what it means. They are understanding that their generosity and loving actions can teach others about the character of Christ. I was humbled and reminded myself that I am the hands and feet of Jesus too.

9 weeks

Tomorrow is the last day of kindergarten for Claire. I can hardly believe how fast this school year has flown by! She is going to be a first grader. That seems so big. And to top it off, Hannah is going to be a kindergartner. Both girls in elementary school. WOW! I am racking my brain trying to figure out how they have grown so quickly. I feel like time is racing by and I need to slow down and savor my kiddos because they are quickly moving into new phases and stages. I remember growing up it seemed as is time stood still. Summer vacations seemed SO long. Christmas took forever to come around. Each birthday felt a million years away. As an adult, this is simply not the case. Time has not only sped up, it seems to be going 3x's as fast as it should. I feel like I barely have time to recover let alone keep up.

Summer break is 9 weeks. Claire is anxious about what those 9 weeks are going to entail; what routine will be kept. I keep reassuring her that we have plenty to do in these 9 short weeks, but she insists that it is a LONG time and we will run out of things to fill our time. It will be interesting to see my perspective at the end of the summer; if the 9 weeks seemed to whiz by or if time slowed down a bit. I am betting on the first; while 9 weeks is a good chunk of time, we have alot planned for our summer. I am buckling in because I am prepared for a busy and crazy ride!

The whirlwind

One week ago today, I graduated from college. WOW! I am still a bit shocked that this goal is finally completed. I did it! It took longer than I thought; but still, it is done. It was a great day; spent with my close friends and family. I even found myself tearing up when I entered the ceremony and spotted my kids. It was an emotional and fulfilling day.

And then Sunday came. And I felt sick. Like I have never before. I couldn't breathe. I could hardly move. By Sunday evening, I felt like I was being suffocated. I was scared and tired. I went to the doctor first thing Monday morning. It wasn't long before she was telling me to get to the ER. So off we went. To the ER. I never thought I would be admitted to the hospital, but I was. My asthma took a quick turn for the worse and it wasn't changing. I spent 2 nights in the hospital. I was bored out of my mind. I was forced to sit there and do nothing but rest. Funny, God has been nudging me to rest more. I guess I better listen more!

So within a week I went from a major life accomplishment to forced rest. And I am still resting so that I can fully recover. It is interesting how life happens sometimes.

Be anxious for nothing....

I am anxious. I have a lot swirling around in my mind and I am anxious. My graduation is coming up this weekend; anxiety. We are tight financially; anxiety. I am looking for a part time job; anxiety. I believe that everything will work out, but I can't shake this feeling. I keep praying to God for relief and I know He is there listening and acting. I want to be free of anxiety, but I know that it keeps me close to God.

I have so much to be thankful for. I am trying to keep my focus on my numerous blessings. God has given me so much; health, a home, an abundance of things, a family, cars, a stable job for my husband etc. I could go on and on. I need to dwell on these good things.

In 18 days...

I will be a college graduate. I am cautiously excited. I keep waiting for the rug to be ripped out from under me; for someone to say, "Just kidding! You don't get to walk". I don't know why I expect this; I have worked hard and I know that I am done. Well, sort of. I still have 3.5 free elective units to complete over the summer, but all the core work is done. And yet, I am still afraid. I have been in college off and on for the past 11 years. I always knew I would get a degree. I expected to be done before this point in my life, but I have 2 beautiful distractions that detoured my plans. And I am okay with that.

After graduation, I am going to take the summer to enjoy the girls. We have a busy summer planned; camping, visiting old friends, cousins coming to stay with us, ballet recital, Hannah's preschool graduation and Blitz camp at church. I am excited for less stress (ie. Homework) but a bit anxious about not having a structured routine. But my goal is to go with the flow; to enjoy the lazy days of summer.

And in the Fall, I must get a job. My husband works so hard to provide for us. I want to be able to contribute to our family financially so that we have a bit more freedom in our spending. Nothing too crazy; I am hoping to work only part time. I know jobs are hard to come by, so I am planning on beginning the search in July. I am already praying for a perfect job; I believe that there is something out there that will fit beautifully into my schedule.

And the following Fall, I am going to grad school. I love to learn and wish that I could emotionally handle jumping into a grad program right now; but I am burnt out. I know my limit and I have beyond reached it. I know that a grad program is going to be taxing; I need to be emotionally recharged before I walk into an intensive 2-3 year program. And, I need to invest into my family. They have sacrificed countless hours while I worked on homework or pushed to finish a final. They need me. They deserve my attention for a while.

Silly Girls

I am sitting here listening to my sweet girls laugh and play. It is such a sweet sound. I am so blessed to be able to watch my kiddos grow up; to share their joys, frustrations, and milestones with them. I all too often take this for granted. But really, I am one lucky mama!

I am down to the final few weeks of school. It is both exciting and scary. I am taking a year off; I need it and my family needs it! I hope to use this next year to grow closer to God, my husband, and my girls. I also hope to get to know me better. Lately (like most of my life) I have been so busy that I have forgotten to check in with me. I am determined to change this; to take time and rest and get to know who I really am. It is long overdue!

This next week is Spring Break for the girls. I am excited to spend some time out of routine. I am determined to be less rigid and enjoy our week off together! We are hoping to visit San Fransisco and have some play dates. Later in the week, Grandma and Auntie are coming to visit. It will be nice not to have appointments, school, and busyness predict our days!

Rainy Day and Parenting Woes

I am sitting and snuggling with the girls and it is raining outside. I love the sound of rain. It has been a challenging afternoon with the girls- lots of bickering and petty arguments. I have done good keeping my cool but I am definitely ready for their bedtime!

I have a speech to give tomorrow night for my Communications class. I am speaking on the topic of parenting. It is funny, I have SO many parenting books! I keep adding to my collection; I guess I am looking for the secret answer to being a good parent! I don't think there is one! However, as I have been preparing for this speech, I have been reading the book, Scream Free Parenting. I LOVE this book! It is so practical and easy to understand. I am going to re-read it this summer (since I will be FREE of homework by then) and try to really glean some useful tools for my parenting tool bag.

One of the little quotes in the book really stood out to me. It says, " Without space to make their own mistakes, our kids live only borrowed lives." Wow! I want so badly to protect my girls from mistakes. But really, they have to experience them to grow. It is so hard to let go and trust God and believe that they will be okay.